lostI wrote this several years ago and had forgotten all about it but rediscovered it last night and thought I would share it as I am sure that many feel the same way.

A THOUSAND DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS

By Brandi Barton Selph 4/3/12

What is it that you want from me?
I thought that it was something bigger and better than this but now I am stuck, wallowing in my own misery as this disease you sent tears me apart from the inside out.
But yet I accept it!!
Constantly, I am convicted of all my wrongs, I want to make amends but you forbid me.
I feel your pull, your tug but I am so lost, so confused.
What I am and what you want me to be must be two different things. I am left totally exposed and beaten. I am so tired!
What is it that you want me to be? You pull and you tug but I am lost in a thousand different directions! I don’t know which way to turn, sometimes going up feels like going down.
I know this bed is not where you want me to be but when I try to leave I am blocked in a thousand different directions. I need some space to move!
You pull and you tug!
You pull and you tug!
I am falling farther behind!
My life and what it is supposed to be is flowing like water through my hands, lost through my fingers in a thousand different directions.
You pull and you tug!
I am tired of this tug of war! Can we play another game now? Can I make the rules this time? Am I allowed to know the direction in which we are going?
Up or down? Surely, I am headed in the wrong direction!
I feel as though I am running for my life without making a move. I need to move! But the pain that has been given to me grows with every twitch!
I can’t but I can at the same time! How’s that?
This must be some cruel joke!
Strong of mind but the strength of the body is sucked away minute by minute, slowly killing my spirit. My soul fighting to take flight! But I am grounded. For what?
It knows not where to go.
Because I am lost in a thousand different directions!!

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